Dear Aunt Noor,

I am a 29 foreigner and in love with a man from your country. I am not an Arab. The problem that confused me more and more is that I had heard bad thing of how the Arab men treat their women. Can you help explaining this so I have don’t have to worry if I decide I want to pursue my wish and marry him?

Thank you Aunt Noor. May God be with you.

Wan

Dear Wan,

Thank you for your question.

I’m happy that you decided to ask an Arab woman about that issue and that shows wisdom in your way of thinking. At the same time, I wish you had mentioned what were the bad things that you had heard about Arab men because that could helped me a lot to know if people who gave you this information were saying the truth or exaggerating.

Sadly, it is true that there are Arab men who do not treat their women well, just as there are many non Arab men who do not treat their women well. As you know, there is no perfect society or prefect people. Wherever you go, you would find good and bad things about that society. Further, there are no standards about what is good and what is bad. For example, in my society, men refuse to let women help them in life expenses and consider it as a shame even if women work or are very rich, whereas it is the norm that women share expense with men in western countries!

About your question, I wish you mentioned your country so I can have a better answer for you but I will try to give you a general answer. I think you should be clear with your love about the main frame he has planned for your future. Ask him about all the things that you have heard. Also you can know the truth using your smartness like finding people from the same country or people from your country who lived in an Arab society.

In my country for example, we have seen many successful marriages between Yemeni and non Arab women; on the other hand a lot of marriages have failed. In most cases those marriages were unsuccessful because of the differences among cultures. Therefore, things should be clear from the beginning. Both of you have to agree on the country you would choose to live, whether or not you will work, the way you are going to raise children, and the amount of freedom you would have after getting married. All these points and others points which both of you think are important should be discussed clearly before you decide to continue or not.

Wish you all the best,

To ask Aunt Noor for her Advice , email her at noor@yemenpost.net