Dear Aunt Noor,

I am a mother of five children (all boys). I have been married for 26 years. Since my children grew up and became men, problems grew more and more between my husband and my children. Whenever my husband comes home, you can hear the children’s loud voices screaming and shouting at their dad. My husband always says that the children don’t respect him as a father. He gets angry when the children discuss matters with him and don’t take his advice. As a mother, I feel how much the kids hate their dad and most of the time; my husband leaves the home angry. How can I have a normal family like other families?

Um Abdullah,

Dear Um Abdullah,

It is clear from your question how much you love your children and this is normal for any mother. But I felt when I read your problem that you spoiled them by your love. Your kids should respect their dad and obey him and if they don’t agree with him, they should deal with him politely. You, as a mother, should teach them how to respect their father. Our religion taught us how children should respect their parents. Moreover, our religion prevents children to talk in a loud manner to their parents.

I want you to stand on that point and ask yourself, if this situation is normal, what should you do to stop it.

Honestly, I feel sad for you because if your children don’t learn how to respect you and your husband, then believe me that you are the one who would suffer in the future. Also, you said that your husband always leaves home after any argument, I expect that if this situation continues, your husband might find another place where he could relax and that could happen easily if he gets married again.

Now, I want to help you stop the present situation and have the children love their dad and obey him.

I want you to discuss with the children how much it is important to respect their dad. Let them understand that this is part of religion. Praise other families’ children because they do something good to their parents. On the other hand, discuss with your husband how he can let the children trust him and respect him. Let him show some love toward them. Whenever they obey him, it would be a good idea if he says the magic word “thank you”. By time, the children would start obeying him. Finally, I want you to always remember not to put too much pressure on them and let them do it happily and willingly because they love you and their father and not because they fear your punishment.

To ask Aunt Noor for her Advice , email her at noor@yemenpost.net