Dear Aunt Noor,

I wish you could help me find a solution for my problem. I am a father of two children. The oldest boy is 24 years old and his sister is only 4 years old. I spent my life raising them in a good way. My financial situation is very good and I never prevent my family from anything. Now my oldest son is driving me crazy. His behavior changed a lot. I used to see him always the smart, quiet, and obeying son who never says “NO” to me. Now after he finished university, he changed. For example, I found for him an excellent job opportunity at one of my friends companies but he refused and he said that he wants to apply for a job by his own way. Also his mom found an excellent bride for him from a very well-known family but again he refused and told us that he is already thinking about one of his classmates who he likes.

Honestly, I feel I am lost because of his actions. How can I return him back to be under my control so I can relax?

B A 

Dear B A,

Thanks for your question. I would like to assure you that you don’t have a problem at all. All that happened to your son is that he got older and he started to feel that he is responsible for his actions. Your son is 24 years old and you should treat him as a mature man and not as the small kid you used to take care of. Your son’s reactions show that he gave up of your strong control over his life. Give him some freedom to make his own decisions. He needs to gain trust that he is a man like all his friends. Instead of getting angry, you should push him forward while you observe in case he does a mistake.

Stop putting pressure on him and let him try to find the job he wants and don’t force him to marry a girl who he doesn’t want. Since he found one, then what is the problem if you and his mom find out if that girl is really good for him. Remember that he is the one who is going to marry her, and forcing him to marry another one is not the right thing to do.

All you need to do now is let your son feel that you trust him as a man and that he is responsible about his future. Besides, try to be his friend instead of his controlling father. Share him your thoughts and problems and ask him for his advice and what would he do if he were in your place. By time, your son would do the same with you and he would share you all his problems and would listen to your advice as well.

To ask Aunt Noor for her Advice , email her at noor@yemenpost.net